"Every year my peaceful woodland home is invaded by thousands of hunters who shoot at me with rifles and guns with absolutely no provocation on my part. Usually I'm just walking around, minding my own business or chewing on some berries when BANG! A bullet goes flying past my head. Now don't get me wrong. I have nothing against sportsmen, but I don't likebeing the target of some accountant from Scarsdale out for a weekend with his buddies. All of the bears, rabbits, racoons and other forest creatures I've spoken to feel pretty much the same way.

"That's why we formed the NRA — Nature's Revenge Association. We've learned that a hunter will have a new appreciation and respect for an animal that's armed as heavily as he is. We know that guns aren't toys… Believe me, we know. So we teach our members gun safety and train them not to shoot unless they've been shot at first…a lesson most hunters haven't learned yet.

"So this year we're ready. We've been practising for months. We've got out permits. And we're determined to have a safe hunting season for all involved. If you want to visit our home and take our pictures, fine. But keep your guns in the cities where they belong.

"No one wants to be the deer-ly departed."

I'm the NRA^®.